Found Boyfriend on fabswingers | Mumsnet (2024)

We always use condoms - every single time - so at least I hopefully don’t have to worry about STI’s.

I don’t even want to confront him to be honest. I don’t even want to go through it.

I actually tried to end things with him earlier this year when things didn’t feel great for me.. but he refused and said he wanted us both to try and fix things instead. To then go and do this?

But he looks after DC in my home while I work, and provides money we really can’t afford to lose.

Its HIS child too.. he will still have to pay for his child OP.... please do not accept this as reasonable behaviour in a relationship... honestly he is treating you like dirt...

Basically he is a manipulative, abusive sh*tbag. The fabswingers is just the living on the cake. Dump him (change your locks first if he has a key) and do not let him into your home again under any circ*mstances. File for child support asap. Might also be wise to see what other benefits you can claim.

And if you can get a payment from him somehow before you tell him it's over, that would be handy. Maybe say you need money to fix the car or some other sh*t? Make it sound like its something that benefits him in some way. Even better if it sounds like it is for something you don't want (as his kind like you to suffer). Think creatively. Worth a try.

Read up on narcissists and their abusive tactics. There are good vloggers such as melanie tonia Evans on the subject (eg: 9 hoover tactics of narcissists). Protect yourself and you're wee girl. You both deserve to be happy. He only wants to bully and belittle you.

Op just let it be for now. I did the same for about 6 months. We still had issues but instead of hoping he didn't leave or cheat I just didn't care cause I was setting myself up to escape.

And when I did, I had most things sorted and I was 100 ready and knew I wouldn't get weak and go back.

I was on that site before, keeping a eye out for my ex and the 3 weeks is correct, but you can also see if he has met anyone or had pictures up. Cost £5 for a month account. Then when you go on it you can see if they are online etc.

Leaving straight away for some works but a lot of time you go back because child care, money etc.

Thanks for the replies. I’m not going to cause a large confrontation/argument, mainly because I just don’t care enough, I feel more sickened and disappointed that he wouldn’t let me end the relationship yet he’s been sleeping around (or if he hasn’t yet, it’s not through lack of trying..)

He actually owes me money which he’s meant to be paying back this week. I’m going to sit tight until then and just interact with him as little as possible - he will absolutely not be setting foot in my home again. I don’t doubt he’ll stick his heels in and be awful to me about it - but I genuinely can’t stand him in my personal space anymore.

Unfortunately I had a CMS case already open from when DC was tiny and he was being an arse about money - they weren’t successful in collecting any money in our case, he switched to working as self employed so the amount they said he should pay went down loads -I presume he doesn’t declare the correct amount. Either way, getting money through CMS is like trying to get blood from a stone in our case.

He really is a horrible pig

Yes it's bound to be unsettling for you.
Such a betrayal.

Someone asked Chumplady a question like "when will it be OK" and Chumplady said something like "it will be on a Tuesday. I don't know which one"
The gist being, one day you will be ok.
Not today, but you can live through this day.
Same again tomorrow.
Etc.

I pretty much raised two on my own, and it's OK.
They are ok and I am too.
So will you be... I can tell you are spirited by the tone of your posts.
It will be hard.
You'll find a way, as we do, you'll learn, it will grow you.

Can you keep him sweet while you find alternatives for your little one?
May be able to get some benefit too, I got some to help with childcare.

F him.
All power to you.

@Onacleardayyoucansee thank you I’m actually going to get childcare funding from September/October because of a course I’ll be studying which is great. At which point my work schedule will change and I won’t work as much, so hopefully I won’t have to rely on him at all.

I’m quite worried about how I’ll manage if he f*cks off completely. I don’t have much of a support network - only my DM has DC, but she has had some health issues this year which aren’t entirely resolved, she loves looking after DC but I don’t want to burden her too much.

I used the fairly informal childcare dot Co dot UK for a while.
Had some brilliant babysitters 18/19 year olds.

Could do a patchwork of that with a liitle family support?

Get your ducks in a row as they say while he suspects nothing is amiss with you.

Find evidence of his earnings any way you can and photograph them for use as evidence later when he pleads poverty.